The sacrament of Matrimony is unusual in that it is the only one in which the persons administering the sacrament are the same as those receiving it. The bride and groom administer the sacrament to each other. The function of the priest is primarily to be the official witness of the church. The priest also guides and assists the couple in their administration of the sacrament (sort of like an altar server or acolyte).
In theory, at least (although most churches won’t allow it), it is possible for a man and woman to administer the sacrament of Matrimony to each other without the assistance of a priest. (The Roman Catholic Church did not require the presence of a priest until the year 1563.) The church may not recognize the validity of the marriage, and the state certainly won’t unless its rules are followed (the clergyman also functions as the official witness for the state). But it is possible for a Christian couple to marry before a justice of the peace or a notary public and then administer the sacrament of Matrimony to each other in private, obtaining God’s blessing on their union and his abundant grace to withstand the difficulties and trials that always come with married life. So could a couple who find themselves alone on a desert island (a la “Blue Lagoon”). So too, I contend, could a couple whose church for some reason refuses to marry them.
I know many couples at least one of whom had been married before and was divorced. Some of these second marriages have lasted thirty or forty years — without benefit of clergy. Such marriages may lack the blessings of “church,” but not, I contend, of God. God, in his love and mercy, sees beyond the legalisms into the heart. He knows the circumstances that ended the first marriage, and he knows the commitment (or lack of it) that is brought to the second. For a church to stigmatize such a couple as “living in sin” and to refuse them the sacraments (particularly the Eucharist) is unwise, unkind, un-Christlike, and unacceptable.
It is difficult for any church to uphold the sanctity and permanence of marriage. Witness the sorry state of marriage today, with people trading partners at will. Yet it is not clear that the answer lies in requiring annulments (decrees that the first marriage never existed). This leads to a great deal of hypocrisy, and can be extremely hurtful to the former spouse and to the children. Even if they are not declared to be “bastards,” an annulment makes them feel like they are. Divorces hurt; and annulments often compound the damage. Better to emphasize the permanence of the commitment up front in pre-marital counseling, make first marriages harder to get into, give more assistance to couples in trouble, and make divorces more difficult to obtain.
If, however, a divorce happens, it should not be a permanent impediment to remarriage. Broken relationships are not the will of God. Broken commitments involve sin (usually on both sides). But divorce is not an unforgivable sin.
Let us now turn our attention to three of the sacraments (Baptism, Eucharist, and Holy Orders) which have caused deep divisions in the church. This is all the more ironic and tragic because God intended these sacraments to be signs of unity, not division.
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